'The Eight Best Uses for Three-Ring Binders'

The Eight Best Uses for Three-Ring Binders

By Brian K White at 06/01/2007 15:03

Two and four-ring binders are exceptionally uncommon, though I have seen a five-ring binder once, and that made no sense at all. I knew when I saw it that an engineer had grown a tad over-zealous, but it inspired me to nonsense, and I now feel all but compelled to share what equally nonsensical wisdom I've since discovered. Three-ring binders are helpful, clever and can make your work-a-day life more efficient, profitable and in rare cases, even somehow remotely bearable. Here are some of the many advantages of three ring binders.

• 1. Starting with the least crazy use, you can use them to print out all the most relevant things for your profession, and keeping them in tidy, organized, categorized ways, so you and the person who succeeds you in your unsuccessful profession know easily and precisely what to do.
• 2. From there you get a bit crazier. Start off by taking all your important work-related documents, and do not organize them alphabetically or chronologically, but by who filed them, who wrote them, or by length of title based on each letter having a numerical value, added up and made into a mathematical equation. It makes painfully little sense, but it can justify the heck out of your binder budget.
• 3. Since you may be working on your graphic novel, or let's be honest, your comic book, an open-ring binder is easily the best way to organize, edit and adjust your works in progress. Still, don't plan on it being a big success. Either way, this will make it that much easier to get it done in order.
• 4. While writing your manifesto out of order, you can use a three-ringer to bind your works in ways that allow you to edit and re-edit it day-by-day as needed, in accordance with prophecy.
• 5. If you're a runaway-rampant scrapbook-keeper like me, a clamp-in/clamp-out binder can be the best book to keep odd-sized and off-sized things like soiled garments, bar napkins and de-crumpled inter-office memos.
• 6. If you like pain and punishment, buy yourself some 3" binders. They don't work worth a darn, and they only bind pages while tearing the tabs and punched holes out. Not only are they big and mostly empty, they're unruly and horrifically abusive to the pages they contain. I recommend them highly.
• 7. Consider a few hundred half-inch binders, since they're adorable, though 80% of their bulk is consumed by the spine and covers. It's not that they aren't any good, it's just that they're only good for something very specific, and nobody I've ever met has any idea what that benefit may be.
• 8. If your employer doesn't provide a healthcare package that affords routine physicals, you can use the clamping action of the top ring of the binder to hammer down on your testicular region in probative ways that may not rule out cancer, but can surely rule out ball comfort.

Three-Ring binders area available in an assortment of sizes and colors, and can be shipped straight away