Office1000 Blog March Archive

Caution, Do Not Cross!

By Lizzie Botticelli at 03/24/2007 08:30

Does this picture remind you of anyone in your office? Someone who resists changing any small part of the routine they have perfected; a routine that cannot possibly be done faster, or more efficiently?

This office icon can frequently been seen doing these annoying things:

• Crossing their arms, pursing their dino lips, and giving you the evil stink eye when your group returns from your relaxing lunch 10 minutes late and laughing
  
• He or she may stalk around the office giving out healty "how dare you" glares at any woman who is preposterous enough to wear a skirt that doesn't come to the knee
  
• When given instruction on a new routine, they roll their eyes and snort, and may say, how the heck do you think that is going to work? My way is much better!

The best advice I have for you, having come across several of these icons over the years, is to BEFRIEND them! Do the best you can to bond with the beastly co-worker.Maybe they just need some assurance that they can fit in, even if they do look and act like a T-Rex.

Hopefully, I am not describing your immediate supervisor.

I'm Telling You!

Now, everybody needs this guy sitting on their desk. Just looking at him, I can hear him saying:

• Did you finish typing that article I asked you for ten minutes ago? NO? Doesn't anybody ever do any work around here?
  
• Did you do all of the stupid, tedious little annoying tasks I require you to do every single day?
  
• Did you feed the damn cat before you left this morning?
  
• I am appalled at your apathy! Get to work!
  
• Never let a potato head steal your highlighter
  

See, I know you feel better cause you aren't the only one who thinks these things. It doesn't take a potato head to make you feel like you never do anything right, but he sure helps!

7 Reasons Not to use a Motorcycle Dryer at Work

7 Reasons Not to use a Motorcycle Dryer at Work

By Brian K. White

Of all the supplies available for your office, perhaps the most curious and interesting would have to be the Motorcycle Dryer. I know what you're thinking; you don't have a motorcycle, and if you did, it wouldn't be so wet as to need it, but you're missing the point.

It's not called a motorcycle dryer because it's built for moist mopeds, but because of its compact size and lightweight design. At only eight pounds, it's only as heavy as a newborn baby, and although it may be as loud as one, it's much cheaper and not nearly as messy.

The motorcycle dryer from Metro Data-Vac can be used to dry the entry, clear standing water a broom can't push, and serve many other purposes as well. But if you don't understand it or somehow use it for purposes other than those intended, there are some serious ways in which you should NOT use an Air Force Motorcycle Dryer in the workplace. So for the benefit of readers the world over, here are the top seven reasons:

• 7 – Because you are a deep sea diver
  
• 6 – Because climate control is good, but there's no reason to be unreasonable
  
• 5 – Regardless of your profession, your office can't be helped by typhoon-class winds
  
• 4 – Because your coworker's bad breath would benefit more from a mint than raging blasts of fresh air
  
• 3 – Because your "work motorcycle" isn't really all that wet
  
• 2 – Because an inexpensive air horn will upset more coworkers quicker, while assuring you're just as quickly fired
  
• 1 – Volume, volume, volume

There are more ways to incorrectly use a motorcycle dryer, but it's better to buy it because you need it, and because it will benefit your business.

By Brian K White

A Happy Office Environment

Shown in this photo [not shown here so as not to interrupt your tranquil office environment] are the three essential elements of a happy office environment:

A Trash Receptacle: More commonly known as a basket item is used as a stress reliever and poses as something more conventional. Its real purpose is to provide you with a target for those paper wads.

A Clock: This item is handy for watching the clock, keeping your eye on the clock, passing the time, or just seeing what time it is. Time flies when you're having fun!

A Plate: This item is handy for holding the thing that makes us HAPPIEST at the workplace - FOOD! You can fill it and refill it with goodies. Then you can use it to make a three point shot from the arc into item number 1 !!

How to Save Money with an Expensive Pen

How to Save Money with an Expensive Pen

It may sound counter-intuitive right off the bat, but sometimes you get what you pay for, and in the case of a premium pen, you're not just buying a brand name or a novelty, but an investment in yourself, your work, your reputation and maybe even your own sanity.

Cheap pens aren't just cheap; they keep you from showing the status you've attained in life. You just aren't cool with a cheap pen in your pocket. To describe them as disposable does a discredit to garbage, and I don't mean it quite so seriously as all that, but I'm not far off the mark.

A premium pen serves many benefits in terms of cost savings as well as peace of mind:

• Premium pens write better than disposable pens, plain and simple
  
• Premium pens feel better in your hand, which is especially helpful if
  you do any serious amount of writing. That pain in your hand from holding a pen can be a thing of the past, if you so decide. Specifically, a premium pen can bear a shape and texture specific to your hand and writing style.
  
• Premium pens can be of the exact color and point size that you desire
  
• Premium pens last longer than disposable pens. Unlike disposables,
  where you really need a whole box just to insure you have enough, a single premium pen is invariably enough to get the job done almost indefinitely. So to cover all your bases, you'd need just one pen and a spare, rather than a whole box. Keep your mind free of clutter by not worrying about when your pen will die on you in the middle of a sentence or important meeting.
• We've all had it happen where you get half-way through a note and the pen dies, and the second half is plainly written with a different ink, and that's embarrassing. Even if your premium pen wears out, your replacement cartridge is always exactly like the one before it.
  
• Premium pens do not smudge or run the way disposable pens always do,
  so your writing and correspondence will be clearer and free from
  embarrassing and irritating smudges.
  
• Since premium pens don't smudge, run and leave dollops of ink on your
  page, you won't find the cuffs of your expensive clothes ruined by
  wayward ink.
  
• With a premium pen, you'll never again doubt which pen is yours, so
  you won't see your pens fly off your desk by the box as people wander off
  with them unaware that it was yours.
  
• Best of all, a pen that is all yours is a character point. It's not
  just that you write, because we all do, but that you have something that is
  uniquely yours. Most of your employees and clients will not notice such
  a thing, but for those who do, it's important. If you wear a premium
  watch, ask yourself why and consider that a premium pen is not so different.
  
• A premium pen can be an icebreaking conversation piece when you meet
  with clients face-to-face. It can allow you the opportunity to share a bit
  about what you like, who you are, and give the general impression that you do
  take your business seriously.
  

Replacement cartridges

for premium pens are inexpensive, long lasting and easily thrown into the top drawer of your desk where you used to keep a dozen, half-dead disposable pens, so the cost, convenience and storage
are no detriment to your work environment.

By Brian White