How to Impress Your Boss with a Laminating Machine
By Brian K. White
Of all the things on your forever growing "to do list" today, the last thing you want to do is add yet another, but consider, even if just for a minute, that this next one might make you successful. No wait, not just successful, but so prominently prominent in your successes that someday soon you'll manage the whole department, and upon another day quite soon thereafter that you might rise to even own the entire company. You can do it, and I'll tell you how, by the great and grand graces of the laminating machine.
Yes, the laminating machine.
Sure, you can use this handy contraption merely to seal-in copies of telephone directories or inventory lists, but you can take this device to a higher level, even whilst it takes you to yet a higher level still. Unsure? Unconvinced? Uncertain of the many graces it may bestow upon you with it's mighty heat and dual sheets of previously unconnected plastic? That's okay, I'll gladly help you understand how it's done.
If your boss keeps a hand-written schedule that includes all the assorted, sordid outside-the-box items as day spas, on-the-clock shopping and other personal uses, make sure to take these pages and laminate them. It may not please your boss, but it will definitely impress him or her, even if just to cement your cunning as sure as you've laminated his or hers.
If you have a coworker who is a total suck-up, which you certainly do, unless you are that employee personally, you've surely stumbled across a handful or so documents proving it. These people are prone to contradicting themselves, swaying with the politics as quickly as the winds flow. Seal in their sycophantic deeds and insure your place as a true and steadfast employee by laminating their up-kissing deeds forever. Though your boss might not appreciate it today, the day will come soon enough, and you'll surely get your due for it.
Once you've finished whatever you wrote on that sticky note, laminate it. You can never know when it could be handy to share a few hundred thousand laminated Post-Its from years past. Modern historians may find this pointless, but think of your grand-children, children, and the boss sure to replace your current boss who may be tempted to cut you loose for not carrying your fair load. Face facts, it can't be denied you did your deeds if there's a sealed-in record of it.
Assuming you have access to spending and account records that may be damning, use lamination to seal these original, time & date of documents, preferably with newspaper snippings embedded for future use. While this may not exactly "impress" your boss, it will leave an impression, and one that won't quickly fade.
Whenever possible, insure that printouts from the company CCTV security showing you having unpredictable and potentially embarrassing interludes with your boss are printed out and laminated for future reference. You may need to have unpredictable and potentially embarrassing situations with the security staff to insure that you receive said printouts, but once you have them, it's entirely up to you to have them laminated. Surely this can never happen, so assuming your boss agrees that it didn't, you'll be golden up to retirement, so lamination will be key.
If this ideas seem to outrageous to consider, you can always go back to using such a device for directories, ID badges and fancy interoffice presentations. That's still impressive, helpful and may keep you in the realm of indispensable, even if it doesn't make for as good of a story at your Friday night poker meeting.
All UPSable
