'Top List of Things to Hide in Your Executive Desk'

Top List of Things to Hide in Your Executive Desk

By Brian K White at 07/03/2007 15:11

Since your latest promotion hasn't afforded you the luxury of a window with a view looking out at your very own parking lot and the building across the lot from your own, you should have at least negotiated for a new executive desk, whether brand spanking new or handed down otherwise.

For the sake of argument, we'll assume you've got the executive desk, and it's a good thing because it affords all the much more opportunity to hide all sorts of things inside of it. If you're not sure what benefits I mean, you need only read the following list of clever, dare I say "brilliant" suggestions.

• Start by stealing all the staples from the supply cabinet. Doesn't matter if there's a dozen boxes or a thousand, they stack neatly and you should be able to horde enough to keep the office manager in confusion for months on end. As long as you don't take them out of your desk, it isn't stealing, it's appropriating.

• If your lunch is of sufficiently "dry goods" fashion, you can keep your lunch in it, where better to keep it than your own desk, You can file it under "L" for lunch, "D" for desk lunch, "N" for noon, "S" for safekeeping or any other place, or letter as it makes sense to you. Think about it, it's your desk, after all.

• When searching online for dozens, nay, hundreds of "free ebooks", you can always print them out to the exorbitant cost of your boss and file them in your desk by whatever means you wish to keep them safe, secure, and by no means ever "read".

• Buy the ad-ons for the desk, and prop up all kinds of additional things, specifically your family photos so you can remember always why you're working such a job all day (and well into the evenings) to keep it all up.

• If it's your last few days in the job, consider a zip-lock bag sealed tight with Limburgher cheese. That stuff is so nasty that even an ounce or so will, within a few days, stink up the office beyond anybody's capacity of imagination. Especially if you stick it a file-folder within a drawer, it will be easy for it to virtually ruin the office literal weeks before the problem can be fixed.

• You can use your executive desk to intimidate summer interns, falsely convincing them that you have some sort of authority around the office, though it's obviously limited to your ability to trick unpaid labor into believing that your title actually means something which it plainly does not.

Whether you're looking for a new executive desk, or just trying to find a way to make the best of the executive desk you've already earned in lieu of an actual promotion or raise, there are many ways to push up the profits and benefits, and all while earning the better of your situation all around.